


Twenty-two Thirty.

by Chelsea Dagger (ArwenaminMaeleth)



Category: Original Work
Genre: Blood and Injury, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Original Character Death(s), Other, POV Original Female Character, Religious Imagery & Symbolism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-12
Updated: 2017-01-12
Packaged: 2018-09-17 02:51:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,086
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9300839
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ArwenaminMaeleth/pseuds/Chelsea%20Dagger
Summary: A first hand account of someone's deep pain and sorrow. (Please read the notes before reading.)No beta.Constructive criticism welcomed.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Please be aware that this story does carry several trigger warnings such as;
> 
> \- Blood  
> \- Death  
> \- Suicide
> 
> It is not suitable for anybody under the age of 18 purely due to its content.
> 
> The one-shot also contains religious references which may cause offence to some readers. Please be aware that this is not written to impose religious views or ideas on anybody. Nor is this piece written with the aim to offend.
> 
> My note is heavy with warnings as I do not want to cause anybody offence or trouble. This is purely a piece that I wrote from the depths of my despair and my slight penchant for the morbid.

Oh no, not again. I...

Your hands shook, shivering although you couldn't remember if it was from the cold or the from the shock. You stared down at them, your hands dripping with blood, the scarlet liquid falling drop by drop on to the tiles of the bathroom floor.

Your arms outstretched and pointing downwards allowed the blood to flow into your palms to the point where you now held your own pain, pooling in to every crevice, settling under your nails. The sight was almost beautiful in a bittersweet sort of way. Your life was now resting in your hands, literally as the source of your being slowly began to coagulate and dry. 

It was difficult to turn away, to look elsewhere when the scarlet red looked so strong, so striking against your skin. You looked a little closer and admired your wounds. Professional lines, each lining up perfectly down your arms. Cursed obsessive compulsive behaviour even drowned you in your sorrow and pain. You found it hard not to apply the same rigid rules to your pain that you did to everything else in your life for there you had control. 

One, two, three, four. Yes, four on each arm. It had to be even you remembered telling yourself as you made the third cut. Your body screamed for you to stop, it was hurting you but you couldn't bare to have just three for three was an odd number. You laughed at yourself, with yourself. You were bleeding, almost to death and all you could think about was the amount of cuts on your arms and if they matched. Similar in length and distance apart you admired how each showed the same amount of depth, the gentle hue of blue showing through your skin. 

Your focus returned to your hands, gently cupped. He flashed in your mind for one second as you mimicked his posture to the degree of offence almost. How dare you stand, your arms outstretched like the lord's own son, your life still pooling in your palms. Your body embedded the very sin you knew would damn you to hell but deep in the back of your mind you knew he would forgive you. 

You closed your eyes, weakened. The loss of blood finally began to take its toll on your body. You no longer had the strength to stand as your legs gave way. Falling to your knees you instinctively fell forward, your hands now supporting you on all fours. The tiles were cold, that you were sure of as you shivered once again. The chill reminded you of your ability to feel still. Yes, you were still alive, barely but you were still there. 

Your eyes opened to gaze upon the purest of white tiles now stained red with your life. Your handprint smeared across in a slight wave as you moved to support yourself further. Never before had your life looked so bright as it did smudged all over the snow white surface. You gasped as a single tear fell to join the droplets of blood. Your body shook once again but this time it was not for the chill but for the pain, for the realisation of what you had done.

You didn't want to leave, not yet but the darkness gave you no option. You were tired, oh so worn out from the daily struggle. The charade became a difficult game to play when you no longer knew what it was you were trying to portray.

One word. Sounds like...

Smile? Yes, smile! That was easy.

Second word, H-A-P-P-Y.

Okay, that was cheating. You couldn't spell it out. Of course you couldn't. How could you spell out something you didn't truly feel.

L-I-E.

That's better. That's the truth. Everything you felt was a lie or at least you thought it was. You felt so numb that even the slightest emotion caused nothing more than confusion. 

A small child stood before you. She looked ever so familiar. She was you, the purest form of yourself. She gave you a gentle smile and waved her hand in a come hither motion. The little girl wanted you to follow her but her destination was not made clear. 

You heard the childish giggle echo off of the bathroom walls. You smiled, curled into yourself now on the floor. The sound gave you a small, brief moment of warmth throughout your shivering body. 

Come with me! Let's go and play!

She giggled again and invited you to her. She looked so happy, something you had forgotten all about in your pain. Your childish innocence lost in the darkness that consumed your adult being. You wanted to feel the warmth of happiness and laughter again. 

She tugged at your hands, pulling at your night gown. For such a small girl she had the strength unlike any other. With a new sense of life and being you gave in and allowed yourself that happiness once again. Pushing yourself up off the floor you felt renewed.

Stretching your body free of aches and cramps you noticed the lack of heaviness within yourself. You no longer felt the overbearing chill that previously surrounded you. Looking down at your arms once again you also clocked the missing scars and lack of blood that earlier stained your skin and the floor of the room you lay in.

Taking a hesitant step forward you let yourself be led by the small child who once again pulled at your gown, urging your compliance.

Let's go! 

She laughed once again, her sound filled with the very essence of life. You laughed with her as you were dragged away to join her in the playground she was so eager to inhabit. Setting herself on the swing she beckoned for you to sit beside her and swing.

You ran towards her and took your rightful place beside her. Holding on tight to the ropes of the swing you looked to her. Her smile never fading she asked you if you were ready.

As ever.

\---

The blue lights filtered into the house where she lay. The service men and women rushed to aid the woman that inhabited the cold, white bathroom. 

Pale, lifeless and cold she lay tucked in to herself as she had last placed herself.

Two fingers gently placed to her throat they hoped for life even though it was obvious from the lack of movement that there wasn't any. Not anymore.

The clock ticked for another second.

22.30.


End file.
